Confessions of the IT Dept

OK so here are some confessions from someone who has worked in IT Departments for medium sized businesses for 20 odd years…..

21 good reasons why an internal IT resources are a waste of money and why you should seriously consider outsourcing your IT support to specialists like Precept IT in Belfast

1. IT Departments always like to give the impression that they are constantly busy and overworked. We would never instantly visit someone’s desk if they called. It’s normal to just wait at least 15 minutes unless it’s an absolute emergency. We sometimes walk around the office with cables and laptops tucked under our arm to look busy too.
2. Tickets are never attended to in the same order they arrive. So someone who may log an annoying complicated problem will wait a lot longer than someone who logs something simple like a password reset. A lot of techs are measured on the number of tickets they close, so will always cherry pick the easy quick ones!
3. Sometimes we may ignore a ticket in the hope that the issue will go away itself. It’s amazing how many times it does.
4. Servers and platforms require a lot less maintenance and monitoring than they used to. We get an email if something is starting to go wrong, so we don’t sit there actively checking anything. Instead we’re probably just watching youtube.
5. Speaking of browsing. Yes we can see all the logs of what you’re doing on the internet and read all your emails if we wanted. But we don’t actually care what you’re doing unless it is harming the network. Our own internet access isn’t logged or restricted so we can, and do, what the hell we want.
6. IT Departments always get the first pick of any older hardware that the company no longer needs. Phones, Laptops, desktops, monitors, servers. Yup they’ve all gone home to meeeee!!
7. With remote access being so much easier. When you call your IT department. You are probably not getting a guy sat in an office in a suit. You are probably getting someone sitting up, in bed naked, on their laptop with a paused pornhub video on an incognito tab.
8. The nicer you are to us, the better service we will give you. I think that counts for most service providers though. Also if you happen to be a cute single girl, you’ll also get better service. Cake helps too!
9. We know whether you have tried rebooting your PC or not. So don’t lie about it. It does actually fix a lot of problems though. However there are plenty of times where we will tell you to reboot it in the hope it does fix your problem so that we don’t have to deal with your problem.
10. Had an IT guy start looking at a problem on your computer? Then had to go away to check something on the server? Yeah, we are actually just going back to our desks to Google it, because we haven’t got a clue what the hell is wrong. You’d be shocked how much we actually Google.
11. If you see us fixing someone else’s problem and you turn round to us and say “Oh whilst you’re here…” we will hate you until the end of your days. Coming to us with a problem that we are going to love or one which you bet we have never seen before, is also going to reward you with the same level of loathing. Chasing us on an issue because we happen to walk past you in a corridor will have your issue put to the bottom of our list. Chasing us on an issue because we bump into you outside of work will ensure that we will never fix it, nor fix any future ones.
12. A lot of IT Directors and Managers have absolutely no technical skills what so ever. Do not go to these people thinking you’ll get a better service. You won’t.
13. IT guys don’t have a special line to senior technicians in Microsoft or Apple. But we do know how to use Google and trust me, we use it a lot.
14. If the network seems to run slow on a Friday afternoon, then it’s probably because we are playing Duke Nukem or some other first person shooter. We will tell you it’s the weekly backup that is running.
15. If you get a server outage, you can be assured that in many cases it will be the direct fault of someone in IT. Either running a command we shouldn’t have, or pulling a wire if working in the racks. We of course will never admit it and blame it on a hardware fault or network issue.
16. IT guys do use company resources for personal IT projects. Such as hosting minecraft servers, bitcoin farms etc. It’s so much cheaper to use company electricity, equipment and bandwidth!
17. In larger organisations, it is normal for IT people to purposely play ping pong with tickets they don’t want to deal with, or can’t solve. Passing them between different departments. This is the main reason why you are waiting a very long time for your issue to get fixed.
18. Doctors may give patients a placebo, which is a tablet with nothing in it. Patients think they’re being treated and actually feel better for it. We do the same in IT. Especially for complaints about slow running computers. “I’ve deleted temp files”, or “I’ve done something on the server, reboot and it should be a lot better now.” Are all used when in fact we have done nothing and 9 times out of 10 the end user reports that the computer is OK now. Also giving a user a new PC even if the new PC isn’t any better will make them very happy. Slow running computers are the number one complaint we get.
19. We are expert skivers. If the IT guys are working at the data centre, or at the other office, then there is a good chance they are in the pub. A lot of training courses aren’t training at all. They are supplier events with free lunch, or conventions which may be of personal interest that have no benefit to the company at all. Sometimes we will pretend we did a big job out of hours and take the morning or afternoon off.
20. If you are a girl and just started at a company. It is very probable that the IT guy who set up your login has already looked you up on Facebook.
21. When you hold up a mirror to IT guys, we’ll get all offended by what we see. 😀